Ringing in the New Year

I couldn't pass up the opportunity for the pun. You see, I am having a lot of trouble getting my wedding and engagement rings on and off every day. I need to remove them at night so I can sleep with my compression gloves to reduce my hand inflammation and pain. Then there are days when I can't put them on again in the morning. Sometimes, the act of taking them off in the evening is so painful, irritating my swollen joints further. I even developed a small callus over my ring finger from the daily struggle.

So I finally ordered an "active lifestyle" silicone wedding band, that should arrive tomorrow. And it's upsetting. I got married this past April - 8 months ago. Sure, I had thought about the possibility that my rings that fit me at age 24-25 may not always fit me as I go through future pregnancies and other body changes with age. But I never thought that 8 months after my wedding, I would find myself discussing with a hand therapist whether it was time to get my shiny new rings re-sized because of my joint swelling. It sucks. It's emotionally painful. It's a reminder that I often can't do things the way "normal people" do.

I'm definitely not emotionally prepared to make permanent size changes to my rings at this point. For now, I will try to wear the silicone rings on days that my real ones do not fit, and continue to wear my real ones on the days they fit. But this sucks.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Revival - Concussion, not-Hernia, and CSF Leaks

Since I last wrote a blog post, the world feels as though it has gone into a total meltdown. COVID-19 continues to rage around the globe, even as the first batch of vaccines is rolled out to healthcare workers on the front lines. Party tensions run high in the US government and trickle down to the public daily. Global climate change brought another year of extreme storms and draughts across the world. And inequality continues to rage through even the reportedly "civilized" corners of the world. Meanwhile, I have gone into a physical meltdown. Family and my therapist maintain that I have not been the same since I sustained a concussion at work in November 2019. This was my third concussion, and I was out of work recovering for 6 months. I finally returned to work in May 2020 during the chaos of a global pandemic and spent 1 month treating through telehealth followed by another 3 months treating a full caseload primarily in person wearing full personal protective equipment.  Th...
Read more

Grounding myself

I am terrified that I won’t fly again. There. I said it. My neck has been getting worse, as have my headaches, random dizzy spells, and sensations of pressure in my head. I have never had an upright MRI, so I do not know what exactly is going on in my head and neck region. But while I search for a neurologist or neurosurgeon to help me out right now, I DO know that I do not feel safe during sudden movements or certain changes in position. Hitting a pothole while driving can be agony. Tripping over a sidewalk crack while walking can give me a 3-day-long headache increase. Bending down to the bottom shelf of the fridge can send me almost to the floor. So how can I even dream of climbing 20 feet up to the top of silks, hanging upside down while setting up a move, then letting go and completing a drop? And yet I do. I dream. Awake, I dream of aerial. Asleep, my nightmares reflect the stress and fear that my neck may be as bad as it feels. But awake, with my eyes cl...
Read more

Functionally Dysfunctional

Image
“Yo ur autonomic testing was pretty bad. I don’t understand how you’re so functional.” These words were spoken to me by my dysautonomia specialist this week. And they were so validating. Not because I want to have a dysfunctional autonomic system. Believe me, having a “normal” body is what I want most in this world right now. But because I put in so much work to stay this functional. And I couldn’t do it without this wonderful doctor, who truly sees me, understands my suffering, and actively helps me find solutions. But then he pointed out to me, “you must be pushing past your limits.” And that was equally true and validating. People see me push past my limits when I climb mountains, or hang on an aerial hoop, or go to work straight off an international flight spent vomiting from food poisoning. But people don’t see that I constantly exist on the edge of a crash. I pull myself out of bed and drive to work each morning, taking handfuls of prescribed medicatio...
Read more