Ready, set, go?
It's time to talk about something very real. I want to tell you about my anxiety and its current iteration. Anxiety is very common among individuals with EDS, or with any generalized hypermobility. Add to that my nature and nurture - yes, the anxious Jewish girl stereotype is so real - and I can tell you everything that could possibly go wrong for every situation.
So now, let's get to my current anxiety. I plan to return to aerial silks tomorrow after taking a full month off while my back and hamstring calmed down. I'm very excited -- I missed the feeling of flying, the physical challenge, the movement expression, the stretching and strengthening, the high of climbing up and letting go.
But I'm also scared to return to the air. I know I have a tendency to become overzealous when I feel good. Proving myself - even if only to myself - is so ingrained in my psyche, it's hard to avoid. So I will need to temper that type-A-achieve-at-all-costs mentality, because that may lead to reinjury. At the same time, I do not want to sell myself short. Underestimating my abilities will leave me frustrated, discouraged, and feeling like I took one step forward only to take a hundred steps back. So I will need to spend the whole session monitoring my effort. Meanwhile, I am nervous that I have become too deconditioned with just the occasional pilates and barre classes I took during my break. What if I can't even climb the silks tomorrow? Or can't engage my core enough to invert - and wind up reinjuring myself? And what if I'm going back too soon? I haven't even started PT yet for my back, and I'm still wearing my back brace for the duration of my work day. Is returning to aerial this week going to lead to reinjury? Speaking of braces, should I wear my back brace during aerial, or will that prevent me from moving properly? And if it does prevent me from moving "properly"for aerial, does that mean that the movements in and of themselves aren't safe for me right now? Or ever? And what about my knee brace? I tweaked my knee today - should I protect my knee? Should I sit out one more week? What if my migraines that I've been getting from shoulder tension act up? Will aerial increase my shoulder tension and cause even more migraines? And how much should I stretch? Should I let myself ease into splits, or should I use all my strength to prevent myself from falling into a split and aggravating my hamstrings? As a matter of fact, do my hamstring act up because of splits or because of preventing splits? Which strategy is least likely to result in reinjury? And of course, to everyone else in the class will I look like a wimpy, weak, uncoordinated idiot who shouldn't be in intermediate level? Will my instructor understand my goals for the day of just not getting reinjured? How can I optimize my time in the class while still taking care of my body's needs?
If you're noticing a trend toward fear of reinjury popping up in every few anxious thoughts, you're seeing the core of half my fear. The other uncertainties should be easily explained away - who cares what the others in the class think? Of course your instructor will understand - when has she ever given you trouble about taking your own pace? Yes it will be physically challenging - you've been out for a month, you know the science, everyone experiences deconditioning. But when it comes to the concept of pacing myself, being aware of where my body is in space (called proprioception), and knowing my true limits, I am straight-up scared that I will mess up and set myself back even further.
Ultimately, tomorrow will be a test of my ability to listen to my body in the moment. I'm anxious about my return, but I also can't wait!
So now, let's get to my current anxiety. I plan to return to aerial silks tomorrow after taking a full month off while my back and hamstring calmed down. I'm very excited -- I missed the feeling of flying, the physical challenge, the movement expression, the stretching and strengthening, the high of climbing up and letting go.
But I'm also scared to return to the air. I know I have a tendency to become overzealous when I feel good. Proving myself - even if only to myself - is so ingrained in my psyche, it's hard to avoid. So I will need to temper that type-A-achieve-at-all-costs mentality, because that may lead to reinjury. At the same time, I do not want to sell myself short. Underestimating my abilities will leave me frustrated, discouraged, and feeling like I took one step forward only to take a hundred steps back. So I will need to spend the whole session monitoring my effort. Meanwhile, I am nervous that I have become too deconditioned with just the occasional pilates and barre classes I took during my break. What if I can't even climb the silks tomorrow? Or can't engage my core enough to invert - and wind up reinjuring myself? And what if I'm going back too soon? I haven't even started PT yet for my back, and I'm still wearing my back brace for the duration of my work day. Is returning to aerial this week going to lead to reinjury? Speaking of braces, should I wear my back brace during aerial, or will that prevent me from moving properly? And if it does prevent me from moving "properly"for aerial, does that mean that the movements in and of themselves aren't safe for me right now? Or ever? And what about my knee brace? I tweaked my knee today - should I protect my knee? Should I sit out one more week? What if my migraines that I've been getting from shoulder tension act up? Will aerial increase my shoulder tension and cause even more migraines? And how much should I stretch? Should I let myself ease into splits, or should I use all my strength to prevent myself from falling into a split and aggravating my hamstrings? As a matter of fact, do my hamstring act up because of splits or because of preventing splits? Which strategy is least likely to result in reinjury? And of course, to everyone else in the class will I look like a wimpy, weak, uncoordinated idiot who shouldn't be in intermediate level? Will my instructor understand my goals for the day of just not getting reinjured? How can I optimize my time in the class while still taking care of my body's needs?
If you're noticing a trend toward fear of reinjury popping up in every few anxious thoughts, you're seeing the core of half my fear. The other uncertainties should be easily explained away - who cares what the others in the class think? Of course your instructor will understand - when has she ever given you trouble about taking your own pace? Yes it will be physically challenging - you've been out for a month, you know the science, everyone experiences deconditioning. But when it comes to the concept of pacing myself, being aware of where my body is in space (called proprioception), and knowing my true limits, I am straight-up scared that I will mess up and set myself back even further.
Ultimately, tomorrow will be a test of my ability to listen to my body in the moment. I'm anxious about my return, but I also can't wait!
Comments
Post a Comment