Pilates Peace

Today I feel peaceful.

This morning I attended my first workout class since getting my POTS/cardiogenic syncope diagnoses at the end of September. I had been instructed at that point to not allow my heart rate to spike from heavy physical activity while we retrain my autonomic nervous system.

I went to a Pilates class, which is always one of my favorites as there is emphasis on technique over quantity, and it’s an excellent workout for stabilization. A plus for orthostatic intolerance is that it was all mat work, and I therefore did not have to deal with the physical ramifications of being upright.

My heart rate cooperated, and I was excited that (using my old gymnastics wrist guards for planks and pushups) I was fully able to keep up with the intermediate/advanced class.

During a brief moment in child’s pose, the instructor said, “Find something to connect with, anything. Think about why you came to this class, even if it’s different now than when you first walked in.” And in that moment, in that brief space of time and through the rest of the class, I connected with my body, my strength, my abilities. I clung to the fact that I was physically tolerating and enjoying an intermediate/advanced Pilates class. My body was doing what I asked it to do. It didn’t work against me, or betray me. It cooperated.

And I once again felt the joy of movement that I have been missing for months.Even now, while I recover in my reclined upside-down couch position to counter the wave of fatigue that chased me down after I got home, I continue to feel proud of my body, proud of all of myself.

Today, in a rare instance, I feel at peace with my body.

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